I recently read an article saying that everyone lies.
That’s actually not true.
But I think it is safe to assume that each one of us, on more than one occasion, has stretched the truth from time to time. From the early ages of our childhood, we have made up stories, told little fibs and lied enough to check ourselves to see if our pants are on fire.
When I was in fourth grade, I convinced my home room class that I was indeed, a robot. I gave light scratches to my arm and told fellow students that the lines were wires just under my skin. I even took a bent-up pair of scissors, and with slight of hand from good pair, swayed classmates to believe I had super strength. (for a fourth grader) Many to this day may have still believed I was mechanical if it wasn’t for our teacher announcing to the class that I was undeniably human and not a robot.
Why do we lie?
Many who study pediatrics will confirm that lying is actually a healthy part of growing up. Lying when we are very young exhibits growth in many ways. It shows that we are beginning to exercise and explore creativity. As we know, creativity if very important in the way we think and grow.
A young child lying also shows us that they are developing the ability to imagine what another people are thinking and feeling. In most cases, the act of lying involves the practice of trying to figure out the thoughts of the person being lied to. We try to weave our fabrications in a way that will be received by another. This means we need to consider and hypothesize what another is thinking and what their reaction would be.
This is all very normal, and in many cases encouraging when first seen in the behavior or very young children. But why does this behavior continue as we grow into adulthood? Why do we continue to lie?
There is a small percentage of the population that lie pathologically or even maliciously. Some lie to push an agenda or to aid propaganda. Some do lie just to cause harm to others.
There have been many times in history where a person has lied to save themselves or another person from serious harm. There are numerous accounts of people lying in order to escape slavery, to flee from wrongful persecution, to find safety in abusive situations. There are times that lying has been a true act of heroism and nobility.
There are less serious, and even unnecessary times in which we all, if we are honest, do not tell the truth.
Sometimes we lie out of a weird sense of politeness. We’ve all been in a conversation with someone we either couldn’t hear or understand very well and nodded in agreement as if we knew what they were saying. Some of us have also been with people, who all day had something in their teeth and did not say a word. When the person finally discovers the foreign object in their mouth, we lie and say, “I didn’t even notice.”
Sometimes we lie to get out of a situation. We say we have plans when we don’t want to do something. We lie about where we are or were just to avoid people we don’t really want to see. We make up excuses for not being where we didn’t want to be. “Sorry we missed church. There was a tornado just on our side of town and we couldn’t get through.”
Some of us have lied to defend others. We’ve made excuses for another’s blunder or faux pas. “My husband didn’t mean to roll his eyes while you were talking, he just has a small on and off case of vertigo.”
We’ve also lied from time to time to protect ourselves. We’ve made untrue excuses for not getting work done on time. “Sorry I didn’t get the grass mowed today, I couldn’t find the yard.”
Sadly, one of the most common reasons we lie is to self-promote.
We fudge about our skills, abilities, and motivation in order to gain better jobs, promotions and higher incomes. We stretch stories about ourselves to make them sound more funny, dramatic, adventurous, fascinating. We fib about ourselves in hopes to be more attractive to people we are attracted to, both socially and biologically. We either try to make ourselves more interesting or exaggerate our interests in others in order to increase our “likeability.”
Sadly, many of us lie as an effort to make ourselves more likeable than we think we are.
Perhaps that is the biggest lie of them all.
So many of us spend so much time telling ourselves lies about ourselves. We tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. That we are not interesting. That we are not attractive. We tell ourselves that we are less important that others.
There is a true obsession with comparing oneself to others. More than any time in history, we are flooded with media and images depicting people who lead us to believe they are doing much better and are much better than ourselves. The feeling of a need to be like someone else has never been greater.
We spend far too much time, trying to look and act like other people. We spend far too much time trying to be something that is not authentic, just to fit in with a population that is doing the same. Even the people we see as better than ourselves are comparing themselves to others and trying to fit in.
From fads in clothing, music, and even attitude, so many of us have been swept into a heard-like mentality and in the process, we have often denied ourselves a truer identity. We may deny it at times, but we have all placed our honest feelings aside from time to time, just to go with the flow.
Some have stopped wearing certain outfits, changed hairstyles and other tastes simply because they were no longer ‘in fashion.’ We’ve put our own comforts and tastes aside and have liked and disliked, to fit in with others. Many have chosen the current trends and styles over their own enjoyments and comforts.
And often times we are doing this because we are not being honest with ourselves. It’s easy to fall into a trap of just following the trends of others when we continue to tell ourselves we are not as good as others. It’s easy to get sucked up in fads and propaganda when we no longer believe in ourselves or our own opinions.
The truth is, we do not have to be told what to wear, what to think, what to like, what to dislike, or who to be like. We can be our honest and sincere self. The need to constantly compare ourselves with others diminishes when we learn to love and appreciate ourselves as individuals. Individuals that are unique and special for just being ourselves.
Simply put, who you are is wonderful and your honest self is very special.
There is no need for comparison, because who you are is who you are!
When we tell ourselves that we are less than others, harshly criticize and put ourselves down, we are lying to ourselves. The truth is that each one of us is someone God celebrates just as we are.
Be you today.
Be your honest self.
Dress for comfort.
Enjoy the things that you enjoy.
Celebrate the things that are you.
Love what and who you love.
And thank God for creating you and for loving you, just as you are.
You truly are special.
Honestly.